How many am I? Or: 'The adapted little one' with the explosions

‘The little one’ works with concentration and conscientiousness, endures, obeys. Sometimes ‘the little one’ collects hurts and disappointments. He parks them away, represses them, doesn’t allow himself to admit the hurt, let alone address it. ‘The little one’ thinks too consistently: ‘I have to please, I have to deliver and perform – otherwise I’m not okay.

Good for companies at first glance. Good for projects. After all, ‘the little one’ delivers and ‘doesn’t grumble’. Easy for the manager. Practical. Peace of mind, no management stress.

But ‘the little one’ continues to collect injuries. Until … until at some point the inner volcano has built up too much pressure, until it can no longer cope. A few weeks. A few months. Some ‘little ones’ collect for years and decades.

And then … then the volcano explodes. Either in the form of active aggression – an outburst of anger caused by a small trigger. Or – even more difficult for those around you – in the form of passive aggression. In withdrawal, being offended, silent resignation. Both forms of aggression are toxic, both professionally and privately.

Do you know the situation? Or do you recognize yourself? In transactional analysis – see my separate posts – this adapted, well-behaved ego part is called the ‘well-adjusted child’.

In coaching, we then see an unhappy person with low self-esteem and often a dormant volcano with high pressure. We see how this inner volcano destroys and eats away at our clients from the inside out.

Coaching is then about shedding light on the topic of beliefs (I have to perform) and self-esteem (otherwise I’m not okay) on the one hand, and on the other hand about anchoring permissions to act differently, understanding inner processes and finally practicing new behavior.

A strong, happy person often develops as a result. And those around them are delighted – over time, there is less hurtful aggression, less withdrawal, less passive aggression. More energy, more satisfaction, more consistency and security for those around you. At work – sometimes a contradiction, a constructive, positive contradiction, with new, interesting perspectives on things.

Would you like to get to know your ego states? Finding ways to more freedom, peace and energy? Become “whole” and “strong” inside? Self-confident and self-assured? Taking the ‘wheel’ back into your own hands?

I would be happy to conduct an initial analysis of your ego states and patterns with you and reflect on the results together with you. Get in touch if you would like to know more about this “Short-term coaching on ego states”!

These posts are part of a mini-series on the topic of ego parts. You can find all posts linked here:

This article is part of the following mini-series on transactional analysis: