Marcus Köhnlein posted this wonderful graphic on LinkedIn on November 22 and explains what is often behind anger. His post is in line with neuroscience and our coaching practice. Persistent anger often masks deeper emotions, often unconscious fear or shame.
To Marcus Köhnlein’s advice, I would add something that is both known in ancient meditation practices and confirmed by research:
- Step 1: Allow it, let the anger – and other emotions – flow through you. Observe the wave that flows through you and accept it. It is good, it has a purpose. Just observe it, don’t try to suppress it.
- Step 2: Keep observing – and you will soon discover more and more of the emotions behind your anger.
- Step 3: Observe even further – and soon feel much earlier which emotions are hiding beneath the surface, beneath the anger. Observe the trigger mechanisms.
- Step 4: Observe – let it happen, observe – let it happen.
Second point: be aware that anger is not automatically bad. It gives you strength and energy. You can use it as a positive force for yourself and your environment. Just don’t switch to autopilot. Because then you unconsciously transfer your subliminal fear to others – you are toxic, you scare them and don’t give them any energy. Or if you feel ashamed under the hood, your autopilot will cause you to behave in a way that makes others feel ashamed and drains their energy.