Did you make New Year’s resolutions at the beginning of the year?
What are your New Year’s resolutions?
- Do you want to change your behavior? Network more? Communicate better? Resolve conflicts effectively? Show clearer boundaries? Create more motivation?
- Or do you want to change your thoughts? Get off the thought carousel and instead analyze calmly, focused and sharply? React faster and more effectively?
- Or are you dealing with emotions, frustration, anger, maybe even fear? Where you wish you had much more self-confidence, control, presence and sovereignty?
What all these resolutions have in common is a change in behavior, thoughts and emotions that has an outward effect.
I will show you what can happen inside us with such resolutions – and what this has to do with personality traits – using a concrete example taken from real coaching.
Anna Meier, CEO and founder of GreenTech GmbH
“I will finally expand my network strategically – with 12 targeted contacts per year.”
Anna Meier, CEO and founder of GreenTech GmbH, plans to make a new contact in her industry every month – whether through LinkedIn messages to managers such as the CEO of SolarInnovations AG or by attending industry events such as the Berlin Sustainability Conference 2026. Her goal: to initiate three specific cooperation projects by the end of 2026.
What happens to Anna then?
Ideally, Anna will simply put this resolution into practice. Then she won’t need to read this newsletter and won’t need a coach.
But real, human life is often different. Various inner saboteurs (also known as inner resistance or “inner pigs”) could prevent Anna Meier from implementing her resolution.
Examples:
- The perfectionist: “I only write to the LinkedIn contact when my message is absolutely error-free and strategically brilliant.” Anna spends hours optimizing formulations – and ends up sending nothing at all for fear of appearing “unprofessional”. The result: missed opportunities due to over-analysis.
- The self-doubter: “Who am I that the CEO of SolarInnovations AG has time for me?” Every time Anna sees an invitation to an event, she hears the inner voice: “The others are all further along – I don’t fit in.” As a result, she doesn’t register and remains invisible.
- The overworked one: “Networking? I really don’t have time for that right now – the quarterly figures come first.” Anna plans to cultivate contacts, but in her day-to-day business she keeps putting it off until “next week”. As a result, her calendar fills up with operational tasks and strategic relationships fall by the wayside.
- The suspicious one: “If I share my ideas, someone will just steal them – or think I’m naive.” Anna listens at events, but hardly reveals anything herself – for fear of being taken advantage of. The result: superficial conversations, no real collaborations.
Do you know something like that in yourself? I certainly do myself. Hardly any of us don’t have to struggle with such inner saboteurs. These saboteurs are human, normal – and can often be effectively and sustainably transformed and changed in a short space of time!
The ego-state approach as the basis for working with saboteurs
The ego-state approach – a central concept of modern personality models and the basis of my work – assumes that the human psyche does not function as a unified “ego”, but consists of different personality parts (also known as “ego states”), each of which has its own thoughts, feelings, memories and behavioral patterns.
These personality traits can be roughly divided into three groups:
- Resource-rich personality traits (e.g. the “competent leader”, the “creative visionary”): These ego parts have strengths such as clarity, solution orientation or empathy and act from a position of maturity and ability to act.
- Child-like, needy ego parts (e.g. the “vulnerable child”, the “curious explorer”): This is where basic emotions such as joy, fear, helplessness or spontaneous creativity are located – often shaped by early imprints and unresolved needs.
- Destructive, coping ego parts (e.g. the “inner critic”, the “perfectionist”, the “saboteur”): These parts often emerged as protective mechanisms (e.g. from exposure or loss of control), but today they block through exaggeration – for example through self-doubt, procrastination or rigid rules.
Each personality part can take the lead in you depending on the situation – like in an inner “team conference”, in which sometimes the “perfectionist” takes the floor, sometimes the “vulnerable child” speaks up.
The trick: Anna Meier can only recognize her destructive patterns (such as networking) and replace them with alternative patterns of behaviour once she has identified, named and developed these parts. Then, for example, one of her resource-rich ego parts, the “strategic doer”, can simply take over and act.
What does that mean for Anna?
The following child-like, needy and destructive, coping personality traits could be active in Anna Meier’s perfectionist saboteur:
Child-like and needy parts
- The “fearful child”: “What if I make a fool of myself or am rejected?” This part carries the early imprint that mistakes or imperfections lead to withdrawal of love or criticism. It longs for security and recognition – and is blocked by overcaution.
- The “eager child”: “I have to please everyone – otherwise I’m not good enough.” This is the unconscious belief that performance and conformity are the only way to earn belonging. It drives Anna to want to overachieve – and exhausts her in the process.
Destructive and coping parts
- The “inner controller”: “I am only safe if I have everything 100% under control.” This part overcompensates for the fear of losing control (e.g. from previous experiences with unpredictable bosses or market crashes). It forces Anna into endless loops of optimization.
- The “judicial superego part”: “A message with a typo? Unacceptable – that would be embarrassing!” This is an internalized strict mentor putting Anna under pressure with unrealistic standards. His motto: “Only perfection protects against exposure.”
Dynamics between the parts: The anxious child triggers the controller (“I have to do everything perfectly to be safe!”), which in turn activates the judicial part (“See? Even that’s not good enough!”). The eager child desperately tries to fulfill all the requirements – and ends up in the paralysis circle.
And what happens in management coaching?
In executive coaching , we use ego approaches to help Anna not to fight her child-like, needy and destructive, coping parts, but to use them by transforming them into resource-rich parts.
This is done in two steps:
1. resource-rich parts as “companions” for the child’s ego
Anna learns not to ignore or repress her child-like parts (e.g. the anxious child or the eager child), but to offer them safe support from a resource-rich part.
Example:
- Child-like, needy part: “The fearful child” (fears rejection and exposure).
- Resource-rich part: “The caring mentor” (an inner voice that says: “I protect you – and you can act anyway”).
2. destructive, overcoming parts can be transformed
The destructive, coping parts (e.g. the “inner controller” or the “judicial superego part”) often have a positive intention (e.g. “I want to protect you from harm!”). In coaching, we negotiate new roles with them that utilize their strengths – without sabotage.
Example:
- Destructive part: “The inner controller” (demands one hundred percent perfection).
- New role: “The strategic reviewer” (may continue to pay attention to quality – but only once per message and with a clear time limit).
The result: transformation into resource-rich shares.
This work creates new, powerful ego parts that support Anna’s goals:
- The “anxious child” and the “caring mentor” become the “connected networker” (can make contacts without pretending).
- The “inner controller” and the “courageous doer” become the “efficient implementer” (acts quickly without getting lost in details).
For Anna, this means that she no longer writes LinkedIn messages out of fear of making mistakes – but out of confidence in her resources. And if the “perfectionist” does make an appearance, she kindly reminds him of the new agreement.
And what about your own saboteurs?
Well, like Anna, you might have some personal or professional New Year’s resolutions, right? And like Anna, perhaps you have a saboteur or two inside you?
My suggestion: Get in touch with me with your New Year’s resolution, let’s recognize your saboteurs and work systematically on and with them.
Try it out and enjoy not only the change, but also the strength, peace and satisfaction that almost always results from working with your ego states.
Get in touch for a no-obligation, free introductory talk about your favorite New Year’s resolution and your favorite saboteurs!